Let's brain storm guys!
I. Title and Producer:
"The Tag." by Dazzy La and Jeanelle Ballilo.
II. Genre:
Neo-Noir
III. Log Line:
The students of a certain high school are silently terrorized by a game--the Tag.
IV. General Flow:
-An empty hallway, nighttime, with noises like running footsteps heard far into the distance. Frames of a girl running(i.e. shot of her arms, then legs, then hair) cut back and forth into the empty hallway frame, where her panting is heard clearly with each cut in. Last frame cut in: shot of girl looking backwards but audience only sees her hair. Music slowly builds up and gets faster and louder.
-Back to shot of empty hallway, where the music suddenly cuts, a loud "thud" is heard, implying the girl gets hit, as the upper body of a girl is shown falling at the end of the hallway. Audience is still unable to see her face, but sees her getting dragged out of frame, leaving the hallway empty again.
-Match object transition of empty hallway, only now there's some people. "Fast" camera movement to close up of upper bodies of girls gossiping--eyes are not visible in the shot(out of frame). Different dialogues of gossip, overlapping of certain words, and pieces of information(words like the tag, not to do it, pregnant, dead, Johnny Boy, and Jonesy are repeated) are stuck together as the camera starts shaking and moving from group to group. Last part of collage of voices: "I told her" being said by many different people overlapping and slowly getting louder and more echoed, then all voices stop to one clear, loud voice "I told her not to do it. And now look at her--dead and pregnant! It's a tragedy, it is, a real tragedy." Bell Rings.
- Cut to Boy walking fast and looking around. Cut to shot of computer class of some sort. Close up on a certain computer, Only some parts of the head are seen. Cut to shot of boy's feet walking. Cut to shot of girl's fingers typing(ring seen as typing stops and mouse is used) Cut to shot of bigger framed shot of girl and computer, where boy sits down next to her and looks over. Girl stops typing and face is revealed as she looks over to boy.
-Dialogue between girl and boy-
BOY
I hear you're the database of the school. That there's nothing you don't know or can't get.
GIRL
You could say that, Johnny-boy. Call me Chip.
JOHNNY
Alright Chip--The Tag, Ring any bells?
CHIP
'Grats. You got a fire alarm. But rest assured--I don't come cheap--unlike most of the girls here..
JOHNNY
Name it.
CHIP
I wanna know the deal with you and Jonesy.
JOHNNY
(sighs, looks around and kind of fidgets by putting his hands together and fiddling with his thumbs)
It..It was complicated.
CHIP
Complicated.
JOHNNY
Yeah--we..we just didn't know what to do anymore. We weren't separated, we weren't together--it was complicated.
RANDOM GIRL(from gossip scene)
(leans in) Jonesy? I heard you got her pregnant...(looks around, JOHNNY face palms himself and she slinks away)
CHIP
Alright. Fair enough. The Tag is a game. Rumor has it--set up a some rich fat guy who donates to the school. He gets the student council and some select students to pass this composition notebook around--and makes 'em spread these rumors. The rules are: you get tagged, you gotta pin someone--write down some blackmail material about 'em and tag their name. You don't, well, you get done in. Like Jonesy.
JOHNNY
Any way I could stop it? Get back? Do something?
CHIP
(Looks at him incredulous and closes laptop)
You wanna tag the Tagger? You're in way over your head kid, there's just no way to stop the Tag.
JOHNNY
(Looks down at his hands, and fidgets again)
We'll see about that.
(Gets up and walks away.)
-It's sort of late afternoon, early night time.Johnny sneaks into a room, looking through everything, and when he goes through the file cabinet, He pulls out a file. Clears desk and puts file on desk, close up on file: "STUDENT COUNCIL: SECRETARY NOTES." He flips through the files, chunks/lines of the notes are close up'd on the camera, and Jonesy's name appears on one of the pages. Shot of room where Johnny and desk are seen, clatter is heard, and Johnny takes the paper, closes the file and puts it back, running out of the frame.
-Shot of desk, a body steps into the framing, background is blurred.
-Shot of Johnny running away from camera and to his locker. He opens it nervously, and grabs his backpack.
-Close up on Johnny and locker, inside cannot be seen--only door of locker, and a composition book falls out.
-Shot of Johnny's legs and feet, and his hand picking up the notebook.
-Shot of Johnny's face looking at notebook, a figure(head not shown) with a bat is behind the Johnny, lingering. Johnny takes out pen kind of nervously, and writes something down. Then, figure raises bat and (Thump!) cut to black before contact.
-Johnny's hand with notebook shown on floor, then dragged out of frame, Notebook left on floor, open but facing down. Close up on notebook--Title revealed: in red and black ink, written over and over again, "The Tag." Notebook taken out of frame(picked up) by a girl's hand with a certain ring on it.....Cut to black.
IS THIS TOO LONG?! Aw man......you know what, forget it--I'll make it work!! >3
This is really interesting, but it might be really hard to manipulate into a student film, for it has a ton of different shots and dialogue. I do like how it has kind of an open ending; that is very raw and characteristic of film noir. Its complicted and confusing, which is good and characteristic of film noir, but you have to make sure everything will make sense. So far, it does though. Good work!
ReplyDeleteVery interesting topic and ideas. But it seems like it may be a little hard to do. it seems very elaborate and im afraid you might have enough time to finish it all.
ReplyDeleteGood idea but i think u might have trouble getting the short film done with in the two-seven minute time frame. Maybe you should cut out other parts, because i do see the plot developing but i think for one to understand everything you are trying to say your film would need to be longer.
ReplyDeletedazzy, I think you need to do a few more steps in the creation of your treatment, but i like the creepy tone the film seems to have so far, and that it's not turning out to be like a cheesey horror movie =), and all of the aspects seem to flow very well together, and for most of the story, the scene changes from one value to the opposite, though for some of the scenes, the value seems to be a constant worry/gloomy atmosphere. I think it will adapt well into film!
ReplyDeleteLOVE the idea, i would have never thought of it myself... however there's one thing. I think it would be more effective to keep it "short and sweet" if you know what i mean. this will allow the audience to stay focused and most importantly interested in the film, which is the whole point in making a film.
ReplyDeleteI like how you try to incorporate noir into student life, rather than go back to the traditional city. I see the dark underworld and unstoppable aspects in your treatment. I read everyone else's comment, but I think somewhat differently. You describe your beats well, but I think you should expand on your protagonist's venture into stopping the Tag. The jump from the Chip conversation to the climactic scene seems rushed. Another suggestion would be to flesh out this seemingly trashed relationship of the Boy. Those are the only qualms I have about your treatment, otherwise I can't wait to see how you produce this.
ReplyDeleteTY DEVAN
ReplyDelete